Where Can I Find My Best Friend

Fred Boyles
Guest Writer



So what is right about MDI after 30 years on a men’s team?

From 8-14 years old I wanted a best friend. After 15 I thought a girlfriend or wife could fill that role.  

I’ve even heard men say their wife is their best friend.

A. First off, a best friend and I would be there for each other:
  1. When I needed to vent, he answered the phone and listened
  2. When I needed his physical help, he helped me move shit or fix shit.
  3. We played tennis together and shared our wins and grieved over our loses together.
  4. We had families, and we supported each other to be the best husband and father we could be.
  5. We brainstormed about all areas of our careers and service to the men.
  6. We both loved serving and felt one with the universe.
  7. We both knew the value of a best friend and worked on the friendship by sharing time and money.
  8. We felt a debt of honor to each other.
B. Secondly, here’s what I’ve learned from looking for that best friend on a men’s team:
  1. There was never one man who could be all that for me. My best friend was based on an 8-year-old’s perception of a best friend.
  2. I have a hundred friends who have one or more of those qualities of a best friend.
  3. We are so busy in today’s world no one man could be all those “ways” for each other.
  4. My team, division and region has not produced one best friend with all of those traits for me.
C. Lastly, what I’ve learned about myself:
  1. I want a best friend, but I don’t want to do all that work to be one.  
  2. A team meeting and team calls during the week are equal to a best friend.

A soulmate is another human who really connects and has me feel one with them. Every once in awhile at a team, division, regionals or internationals there will be a man or men who complete me. I feel so much more centered with them and at one with everything.

You take a 10-man team, that’s my best friend.

It takes 10 to 50 men to make up all the qualities, skills, sacrifice and willingness to be a best friend I’ve described in the first list. And add to that a committed listener. These are men who know that if they allow me to talk long enough, I will sort out my problem and choose a course of action to which I am ready to commit.

And how can you be a best friend to other men? By making the time. I’ve done group texting and journaling while sitting on the toilet, so that when they need my help and support, I can fit them into the cracks of my life. I’ve also created the time to be a best friend by calling, and texting while driving. (Don’t tell the Highway Patrol!)

Conclusion: My wife is not my best friend, soulmate or confidant. My men’s team is.

But oh yeah! My wife is a goddess, and if I don’t treat her as one, here comes the thunder and lightning.

4 thoughts on “Where Can I Find My Best Friend”

  1. Excellent article, Boyles. It really hit home that my team as a collective has the qualities of my best friend. Awesome stuff!

  2. Julius Williams

    Thanks for sharing your truth about best friends.

    I totally agree with the part of being a good listener.

    The other thing for me is creating a lasting relationship with men. So for this to happen we would be communicating regularly, supporting each other through the tough times, celebrating the good times and getting to know our family members.

    I think as men we tend to complicate the process of having other men involved in our lives. Unlike women.

  3. I appreciate this message, Boyles. It helps me to see the part I play on my team, what I can give and what I can expect to receive.

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