Fred Boyles Guest Writer
So what is right about MDI after 30 years on a men’s team?
From 8-14 years old I wanted a best friend. After 15 I thought a girlfriend or wife could fill that role.
I’ve even heard men say their wife is their best friend.
A. First off, a best friend and I would be there for each other:
- When I needed to vent, he answered the phone and listened
- When I needed his physical help, he helped me move shit or fix shit.
- We played tennis together and shared our wins and grieved over our loses together.
- We had families, and we supported each other to be the best husband and father we could be.
- We brainstormed about all areas of our careers and service to the men.
- We both loved serving and felt one with the universe.
- We both knew the value of a best friend and worked on the friendship by sharing time and money.
- We felt a debt of honor to each other.
B. Secondly, here’s what I’ve learned from looking for that best friend on a men’s team:
- There was never one man who could be all that for me. My best friend was based on an 8-year-old’s perception of a best friend.
- I have a hundred friends who have one or more of those qualities of a best friend.
- We are so busy in today’s world no one man could be all those “ways” for each other.
- My team, division and region has not produced one best friend with all of those traits for me.
C. Lastly, what I’ve learned about myself:
- I want a best friend, but I don’t want to do all that work to be one.
- A team meeting and team calls during the week are equal to a best friend.
A soulmate is another human who really connects and has me feel one with them. Every once in awhile at a team, division, regionals or internationals there will be a man or men who complete me. I feel so much more centered with them and at one with everything.
You take a 10-man team, that’s my best friend.
It takes 10 to 50 men to make up all the qualities, skills, sacrifice and willingness to be a best friend I’ve described in the first list. And add to that a committed listener. These are men who know that if they allow me to talk long enough, I will sort out my problem and choose a course of action to which I am ready to commit.
And how can you be a best friend to other men? By making the time. I’ve done group texting and journaling while sitting on the toilet, so that when they need my help and support, I can fit them into the cracks of my life. I’ve also created the time to be a best friend by calling, and texting while driving. (Don’t tell the Highway Patrol!)
Conclusion: My wife is not my best friend, soulmate or confidant. My men’s team is.
But oh yeah! My wife is a goddess, and if I don’t treat her as one, here comes the thunder and lightning.