Insight For The Modern Man

By William Funt, Southwest Region

Gonzo Bonzo, early homo-erect-us, has the distinct extinct distinction of being the very first men’s team member ever in the history of civilization. In a rare interview (taken by the latest time-traveling version of Skype), the Legacy Magazine caught up with Gonzo to find out what “wisdom of the caveman” could be gained and shared.

What was it like in the early days of men’s work? 

Vell dere vere only thirteen men in da voild and twelve of us wanted to form a team and one didn’t. Den dat one vas eaten by a saber toothed tiger and ve vere in business. 

What were some of those early team meetings like? 

Cold, oh boy ver dey cold. Ice caps hadn’t melted and all vee had to vear vas loincloths. Vee ver freezin’. 

How did you enroll others onto your teams?

It vas easy, club dem on the head and drag dem to the circle. 

How were you organized? 

Dere vere twelve of us; how disorganized could we be? 

What dues did you have to pay?

Dues? Vee had everything vee needed for free. Vee didn’t know from dues. Now if you missed a meeting you had to be cleaned up by outrunning a triceratops. Now datsa due!

How was the work you did similar to the men’s work of today?

A little care, a little fun and physical, a little check in, a little a dis, a little a dat. 

How was it different?

Vell try clearing a list when lists were made of stone tablets instead of paper, and you tell me who had it harder. 

How did you gain each other’s trust?

Okay dis is important. If more men did dis today there’d be a lot more trust in da voild. If one of us shtooped another of us’s wife we’d say, “Oy vayismeer am I sorry I vill nevah nevah do that again! Evah!” 

Were your women around you gathering separately?

Do I look like a voman? How am I supposed to know? 

What final words of advice do you have for our men of today?

If you’ve got a shmeckel, you’re more den halfway dere.