Jim Ellis Editor
Recently my buddy Rick Wright and I produced a Facebook Live episode for our show “With All Dude Respect.” The topic was “Men – We Don’t Need No Stinking Directions.” (See it HERE).
Right before the show started, I contemplated the topic and came up with the number one reason why men do not ask for directions. It just came to me like a lightning flash. I was astonished at the answer. I thought – “Of course, that’s it!”
I couldn’t wait to get on the line and reveal this huge discovery.
Before I reveal the goldmine that arose, I’ll list out some of the other common reasons men just don’t go there: why they don’t ask for direction, and – on a larger scale – do not ask for help. Some of these came up on the Facebook Live show.
See if you recognize you or a friend in here:
- A Sign of Weakness – Men asking for directions or help shows them to be weak, as someone who does not hold all of the answers to the Universe. Since men are supposed to be super heroes, not having or not being able to figure something out on their own simply makes them limp and lame.
- A Life of Challenges – Give a real man a challenge and he will be right at home, doing what he was born to do: excel, grow, sharpen his blade for battle. A man needs competition and conflict in order to step up to the challenge. How would asking for help for anything help him do what he needs to do to grow? In his lizard brain, it won’t. So forget the map or assistance shit, or even Siri for that matter. He will find his way home using the stars and the subtle shifts of the planetary orbit. Or he won’t get home at all.
- No Mothering Allowed – In order to grow, a man must overcome challenges by himself. Nobody can do something FOR a man that he can’t do himself. Only a motherly type would come rescue the day and usurp a boy’s power.
- Lack of Trust – It may not be natural for a man to trust another man – the lizard brain recalls that each man is a potential threat and enemy. Leaning on another man may be the last thing on his mind … even if that man is a friend, teammate or brother. God knows that friends, teammates and brothers let you down all the time. Why would this time be any different? Ask for help? Forget it. I won’t be let down again.
- Wanting to be the Glory Hog – In order to appear the hero and glorious one, the singular man must stand out front and highlighted. Don’t allow any other helpers squeeze into that glamor shot. The glory belongs to the one who figured it out all by his lonesome.
- A Past of Bitterness – Here is a deeper one that came up on the show. A boy who did not have the mentoring of a nearby father or father-figure may still hold the resentment that says, “I had to do this all by myself,” “You weren’t there for me” or “I can’t rely on anyone else to be there so I will just do it alone.” This boy grows up to be a man, but his unhealed wound may still hold to the bitter-filled path … a path built, sadly, for only one.
OK, enough of the surface, easy peasy excuses. Now for the real reason men don’t ask for directions.
You’ll have to imagine.
You are driving the car and your lady is in the passenger seat. You realize you are lost. Siri in your back pocket has led you into cul-de-sac upon cul-de-sac. The idea arises why not stop at the gas station and ask someone for directions?
Are you crazy? Why would any man in his right mind ever do that?
Seems logical though right? Seems like it makes total sense.
However, one thing is not considered.
The alpha male. He has got to be the powerful one, especially in the eyes of his woman. If the alpha concedes and then acquiesces to ANOTHER HUMAN BEING the need for assistance – then BAM – that alpha is no longer the alpha. He takes a back seat to another male (or worse yet a female in some cases) and must give up the driver’s seat.
Without the driver seat, without being in charge, without being number one – then the man will not be dragging that woman in the passenger seat off to the nearby cave for a night of crazy beast-like sex. He’ll be left parking the car while the new alpha – Joe the Clerk from the AM/PM – takes over.
And so goes the tale of men, directions, help – and a lizard brain that somehow makes it all go awry.
Tune in next time when our true hero finds a men’s team or a men’s organization so he can practice the art of humility and a teamwork that demands the reality that glory comes to the collective and community over the individual … and the lizard.