By Fred Boyles
Columnist
How can an organization like Mentor Discover Inspire (MDI) be a success?
What has worked and then didn’t work, was bringing in new men and enrolling them into the Sterling Men’s Weekend. In the old paradigm, we then enrolled them into point programs to have them experience bonding with other graduates. These men were handed a higher purpose of filling weekends as a community service event. They enjoyed the process of being used for a higher purpose. Working at the level of community made the man’s circumstances no problem.
However, most men came to the Men’s Weekend and MDI with personal growth and wound issues. Career issues. Procrastination. Health issues. Bad habit issues and addictions. Wife issues. Children issues. Wanting to be a friend more than a father and not knowing his place as a father. Spiritual issues. Relationship issues. Fun and self-love and worthiness issues. Sacrificing fun time for being out of balance in the above areas.
On a men’s team, there is a mix of men added geographically. We continue to judge a team’s success by how many men are on it, instead of a man’s progress in the above-listed areas. In the past, the answers were from the Men’s Weekend; a higher purpose took care of all of the above.
My team is mostly a band-aid for mistakes. We do not inspect or track the areas I want to grow in. We no longer are connected to a Sterling-supplied higher purpose, nor do we have one we all support.
So at the end of the day, sometimes it seems we only inspect how many men are paying dues. I’ve only had one man call me before he fucked up. Most men want me to fix them after they fucked up. We all use the circle to vent our anxiety over fuck-ups instead of finding trained men who will listen to us until we discover the next action and stand beside us as we fail and then succeed at it.
Examples of areas I want to improve in:
Health: Choose a healthy lifestyle and fail towards success with other men.
Career: Inspect and help a man to learn best practices to be the go-to employee. How to ask for a raise and why should he be given one. Learn your value in the marketplace.
Wife: How to not take your wife inspections personally and be with men who celebrate that. Be prepared for divorce if need be. How to avoid it for your children’s sake. Really know the cost of divorce to your children at every age of their development.
Children: To know your job being a father and debunk the latest fads on fathering and mothering.
Spiritual: Experience prayer and meditation and joining the ONE with your team.
Fun: Learning that men having fun is mandatory for a man’s mental and physical health. When you sell out this part of your life, someone reminds you to invest in yourself.
You will be out of balance in all these areas at some time. That is natural and OK.
Taking 30 years to find these men, I hang out on the phone with them for the specific reason:
Health: David Harris
Career / Business: Troy Molaug
Wife and Meditation: Paul Peck
Value of Team: Jamie Greene
Listening: Mike Fowlkes
Community Service: Half the team of Ugly Truth.
Shaman: Ron Bedingfield
Poker: Johnny Handsel
Prayer: Nick Formichella
Fun: Dennis Valash, Nick Abbadessa, Nick Littlepage, Sandy Peisner
The above men are mostly not on my team, they come from my division. They all support me in a better direction in all of these areas. All I need is to hang out with a man who is passionate about this area of my life. That will make me a success in life, and in the process acknowledge value in a division and a community.