Love Over Fear

Fred Rai 
Guest Contributor

I was served papers by my ex-spouse, because as she said, she lost faith in me as a leader of our family.

I had created a space unbeknownst to me where her uneasiness manifested to the point that she felt that she had to step up and be the leader of the family.

She did this via custody of our son. My son.

I didn’t step into my role towards her and our son as properly as I should have. In fact I did a miserable job as husband and father, as I chose to manage three jobs and two ailing parents, one with dementia and the other with schizophrenia.

All of these situations led me to a state of fear.


Fear has a magnificent power if one observes it and acknowledges it. I met my men’s team as the gates of hell were opening up in my life.

A father dying, a mother committed into a psychiatric ward. Three jobs I held while being a functional alcoholic trying to cope and get myself to sleep. All the while I was neglecting the people for which I was entrusted to care: my son, my lovely wife, my aging father and my mother … the latter of which was not available to me due to her illness, stealing away a positive, loving and nurturing relationship I desperately needed.

My life was collapsing; my fear was inevitable death, as I ushered it in rapidly with no knowledge of the consequences of my actions.

My fear was real, and it is real to me. Do I trust people to be by my side if I reveal my true self and my Inability to manage my life, or do I continue on the path as a lone wolf?

At a pivotal time, I chose to take care of myself by allowing others to be there for me. My men’s team came to me, or rather showed up when I decided to ask men for help.

Thank you to those who helped me through the tough times, and the fear. Thank you to everyone who’s stood by and helped create the space for me to be able to manage myself, and help myself.

This includes the guy up top who I am still angry with. However, in due time he and I shall resolve the issues.

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