Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll Are Very Good Indeed

David Turk
Guest Contributor

Overall, I’m just glad to have lived through some of these crazy times, long enough to be able to look back and laugh.

Something Going Babumpbump in the Night

I was at my local college radio station, AM frequency with not a lot of range. My DJ buddy and I were smoking weed, per usual. Remember the concept of playing an entire album side? Well, we were playing a side of an album, going live over the airwaves. A few bongs and three hours later, at about midnight, we realized we had fallen asleep and the needle was doing that babumpbump. babumpbump. babumpbump thing at the end of the side. The studio manager: “NOT happy!!!” However, our friends back in the dorm thought it was hysterical.

Resident stud and memory-maker Turk in the center, circa 1980, age 25.

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One Small Detail

In 1979, I met the hottest woman I’ve ever seen. Of course it was at a classy place – a Times Square adult parlor. I was 23. She was coming onto me. At least I thought so, being so naive. I thought she liked me.  Actually, I thought she LOVED me! I didn’t even know she might be a worker for hire. So we’re getting into a cab, and as I was feeling pretty good about myself and that I was the coolest guy out there, I’m planning to take her to my apartment. She just had one thing she had to mention. “Before we go any further, I have to tell you something. I have a penis.” Oh man!  And, if you were wondering, that’s how the date ended.

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Hot Sex For Two?

It was 1981. I was working at a restaurant, which was haven for sex. I met a hot lady friend from Colombia, an 11 out of 10. She didn’t speak a lick of English, but that didn’t matter. We went to a friend’s loft after we all got off from work. She and I started having sex in the bed in the middle of the loft.

Next thing I know, the restaurant host showed up! He was a gay guy who had a thing for me, but I, the straight guy, never reciprocated. He somehow saw this as his big chance, as I was on top of this woman with my naked ass in the air. So, there I was, trying my best to have great sex with this woman, swatting this guy off my back like he was a fly.

…Well, it seemed funny at the time!

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Dancing in the Dark

It was 1980. Height of the NYC club scene. Working in a restaurant, I typically got off work around midnight. Went to the Mudd Club at that time, which was just getting going for the night. Saw a beautiful woman, dancing alone on the dance floor.

Figured I’d make a move.

After about ten minutes of being the only ones on the floor, enjoying being the focus of the growing audience (and enjoying my partner’s exotic dancing) I figured I’d go to the bar and get us a couple of drinks.  I left her alone to continue dancing alone.

I got back to the floor, at which point, I realized that she had taken off her pants (not her panties), but she looked pretty amazing with her bikini underwear and long boots. As I stood on the side of the dance floor, two drinks in hand, I realized I wasn’t man enough for this one. I downed both drinks in about 30 seconds. 

The rest of the night was a haze, but I remember being beaten with lots of feather boas and waking up in some foreign part of Brooklyn. I had to show up the next morning for the early kitchen shift as the cook, and I couldn’t see straight. Probably NOT a good idea to be handling sharp knives while still wasted.

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Dumb Teenager

It was 1972. I borrowed my parent’s car to go from the suburbs into the big bad city on a Friday night. A bunch of us piled into the car to enjoy a night of debauchery. Drank and smoked myself so stupid, that after a few hours, I couldn’t find the car. Dude, Where’s My Car? My parents, when I told them I had lost the car, were NOT happy to say the least. Something that helps me laugh about it later: I eventually found it.

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