Life in the Fast Lane

Abe Moore
Guest Contributor

Sometimes the most unfunny experiences in my past become funny. If I’m just laughing at myself.

Two examples:

ONE

I was 23, married for about three years. I was out partying where I really shouldn’t have been.

Riding my motorcycle, I was heading home about 2 a.m. on the 91 freeway back in the days before helmet laws. Going 115 mph, I looked over my should to check for CHP, and my Oakleys flew right off my head. No sooner, I turned back and saw flashing lights. I was screwed.

I got pulled over and all was good until I tried to hand him my insurance card. I let it go and before he grabbed it, the card went blowing down the highway. Hmmm. Then came the sobriety check. They took me into a CHP station to get a breathalyzer test. There, they asked me to take everything out of my pockets. I was smoking cigs back then and had a couple of doobies in the pack. I emptied the pack on the ground and kicked the doobies under the table without getting caught. Then I blew a .06 in the breathalyzer. The wouldn’t let me leave and locked me up in a cell.

I called my wife at about 3:30 a.m. When I told her I was in jail she laughed so hard the cops heard her, and they joined her in busting up. Also, she had no interest in coming to get me.

TWO

At 16, I was driving at 7 a.m. on the 110 Freeway in a 1970 Mustang, traveling from San Pedro to a friend’s house in Lawndale. I was on the transition from the 110 to the 405 and lost control of the car, rolled it seven or eight times off the side of the freeway. I had no seat belt, wound up in the passenger seat without a scratch. I got out of the car, got my skateboard out of the trunk and hiked up the side of the embankment. When I got up there, cars were stopped and people were asking if anybody was alive in the car, I said I was in the car by myself. They couldn’t believe it; the cops couldn’t believe. I ended up getting a ride to my friend’s house by the cops…

Moral of the stories, both related in some way: keep this jerk off the road.

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