Find Your Way to Appreciation

Bryan Reeves
Special Guest Contributor

Many men eventually decide the best we can hope for is to TOLERATE the woman we “love.”

We’ve mostly been taught that Feminine Energy is:

(1) Impossible to understand
(2) An inconvenient BURDEN
(3) Lesser than Masculine Energy

Then we find evidence for those beliefs:

  • She invents problems that don’t exist (in our thinking).
  • She requires precious resources we work hard for.
  • She wants things from us we don’t understand (“You should open up more! Tell me your feelings! I want to feel connected to you!”)
  • Her contentment seems fleeting, no matter what we do (“You’re not doing it right!”)

And so on.

Clearly, this is a prescription for endless frustration on both sides.

Clearly, mere tolerance will never do.

For she inevitably feels the resentment of toleration… which is torture to her.

If we ever hope to truly enjoy a satisfying and sustainable intimacy, we must find our way to full-on APPRECIATION of all the flavors our woman brings.

Appreciation for all that would otherwise madden, frustrate, confuse and confound us about her.

Which doesn’t mean learning how to appreciate her violating your boundaries.

Of course not! Any healthy relationship is built strong on healthy boundaries. You get to have your boundaries just as she gets hers.

But this part is absolutely required of you: You must learn to how to deeply love the wild mysteries offered up by a woman’s true heart.

Anyway, she’s only always showing us the way Home … Home back to the wondrous, wild mysteries that we’ve forgotten live inside our own hearts, too.


  • Answer for yourself, “In what ways have I learned, been taught, been conditioned to merely TOLERATE a woman?”
  • For the next few days, consciously lean into those areas and attempt to shift your tolerance into APPRECIATION. (She’s clearly different from you. That’s why you chose intimacy with her, after all, and not your best buddy.)
  • Allow her to BE, and then embrace those differences.
  • Notice where (and in what ways) you continue to resist her curious way of being, and challenge yourself to turn your resistance into allowing.

Again, this doesn’t mean allow her to violate your boundaries (which is equivalent to abuse), but don’t violate her boundaries by merely tolerating her in any way, either.

Final Note: If you don’t know how to have strong boundaries AND still keep your heart open, download “The Boundaries Program: Relationships Suck Without Boundaries!” here: https://bryanreeves.com/Boundaries/


Bryan Withrow Reeves – A former US Air Force Captain, Bryan is now an internationally renowned Author and Life/Relationship Coach with a current focus on supporting men to have better lives and relationships. He’s the co-founder of “Elevate Your Relationship,” a live coaching program for men ready to elevate their relationship game, which has served men in over 10 countries. He’s the host of the podcast, “Men, This Way,” and his viral blog has been read by over 30 million people in every country on the planet (except North Korea). His newest book, Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her), is available on Audible, Amazon and other retailers. Link: https://bryanreeves.com 

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *