Am I Okay?

Justin LaBarge
Publisher, Legacy Magazine

Am I okay?

I can’t honestly say. It feels like I’ve been through so much, I rather lost sight of that horizon. Today as I talk to you, I’m feeling a bit physically beat up (through manual labor). I have high blood pressure, and a newly discovered rare genetic blood disorder where my body accumulates a toxically high amount of iron called ‘Hemochromatosis.’ I treat it by bleeding out that bad blood. This is likely how I’m going to eventually die.

I’m going to die.

Am I okay?

I have recently torn all three tendons which attaches my right clavicle to the rest of my shoulder, which will never grow back, and prevents me from practicing yoga. Vis:

From the mysterious sands of The White Desert of Egypt.

I will often sleep with my contact lenses in my eyes for four nights in a row. I’m never wrong. I’m not too old to act like a rebel. I’m a momma’s boy to the core. I have zero defense against fart jokes. Personal debt has limited options in my life.

I think my wife thinks that I have a death wish.

Am I okay?

I eat well, but I drink too much. I have trouble sleeping at night. I sometimes forget to brush my teeth. I always know better. I have a pimple on my back. Can’t remember all those sophisticated and philosophical concepts that used to really matter to me.

I used to smoke.

Am I okay?

Just tell me when the other shoe will drop already!

My appetite is shrinking, my memory is failing, I likely have anger issues, I fear I’ll disappoint my dog, I wish I would practice my guitar more often, and often regret my decisions. I accumulate clutter around me, and leftovers in the fridge.

One of these days I’m totally going to WIN!

I feel like whatever it is I happen to be doing it’s ALWAYS the wrong thing – and I better FIGURE IT OUT!

Am I okay?

I fear the WORST of circumstances and try not to focus on that. I’m still in love with every woman I’ve ever seriously dated. I sometimes get into arguments with people in traffic. I love driving my garbage to the dump.

I think dangerous thoughts.

In my dreams I am always the hero. I’m okay with getting old, as long as it continues to go like this.

But I know it never will.

Am I okay?

Fella, I can’t tell you that. And perhaps the real point is in asking myself this question. And in this instance perhaps the question is more important than the answer. 

Equally as important:

Are YOU okay?

4 thoughts on “Am I Okay?”

  1. Thanks LaBarge. I access my okayness on a daily, even hourly basis. I can tell you my answers are all over the spectrum, however if I were to put a percentage on it… I’m generally not okay.
    Again that you for bringing this question and honesty around your answer.

  2. What an amazing story.

    Brings all the honesty and transparency normally found in a men’s circle.

    Thank you for the gift and the trust found in your reveal here.

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