Dear Me,
It’s hard to write this letter, knowing that you are in the midst of puberty and there’s enough confusion going on. So, a letter with unsolicited advice from the me I hope you never know is probably even more confusing.
I wish the right people had taken the time to give me this advice when I was your age. You’re going to learn most lessons the hard way, but maybe this letter can help you avoid the big mistakes I made and help you forge a path that’s going to get you where you want to go.
Don’t hold grudges. People will disappoint you, girls will break your heart, and bosses/employers will promise opportunities and pull them back at the last minute. At the time, sit with the hurt, learn what you can and then move forward. Nelson Mandela often said that resentment is like swallowing poison and expecting it to kill the other person.
Pg.2
So many people around me knew everything. They also shamed me for not knowing as much as they did. My guess is this comes from deep insecurity. I mimicked this behaviour for years until I realized that being a know-it-all puts a distance between you and others.
You don’t need to know everything. You don’t need to have an opinion ready. Hot Takes are overrated. Being quiet will become one of your greatest strengths. Listen fully. Let people finish their stories. Stephen Covey paraphrased a famous Bible verse when he said Seek first to understand, then to be understood. When people are ready, they will truly want to hear your thoughts and experiences.
Further, be prepared for your attitudes and opinions to change. Don’t have “Hills to Die on”. I spent years telling people that I’d never get married, I’d never have kids. When that did happen, I spent years defending my position and justifying all the reasons for the change. What a waste of time. Being adamant in your opinions will lead to your missing out. Imagine if I missed out on being a husband and father because of an opinion I formed in university.
Pg.3
When someone changes their mind, don’t remind them of who they used to be. Don’t try to hold them/shame them for trying something new. Instead, be curious about their growth and let them know you are alongside them for the journey.
Pride can be your best friend and your biggest enemy. Take pride in all your efforts. Demonstrate to yourself first, and others second, that everything you do is the result of thoughtful, careful, diligent, consistent efforts. The results will make you proud. Pride can also isolate you. If you think admitting mistakes makes you weak, that’s pride. Not owning your failures, that’s pride. Focus on taking pride, not displaying pride.
I want to share a couple of my “misses” in hopes that you learn from my regret. Learn to play an instrument. It will give you discipline, foster your creativity, introduce you to way more people, provide opportunities, and you will have a lifelong friend. Play Sports. The skills you will learn, timing coordination, follow-through, etc., will come in handy. Don’t worry about making it to the big leagues. Be a valuable member of the team. Remember, teams teach you how the world works: roles, accountability, conflict, camaraderie. Those lessons will matter more than the scores.
Pg.4
There’s no more important journey than a Faith journey. A deep personal relationship with our faith will provide you with everything you need for this life. Living above the troubles of today’s world will help you focus on being the man you were created to be. Finding a community of believers will help you find the Joy we are all looking for.
Now is a good time to stop. It may seem like this is “Canned advice,” but it’s not. These are lessons I learned too late, and I’m confident that even if you implement fifty percent of them, you will live a wonderful, successful, loving, thriving life.
I’m proud of you already,
Matthew (You)
About the Author:
Matthew “Biz” Biswas has been a member of MDI’s Midnight Sons since 2018. He is a business owner, a father, a semi-skilled athlete, a rock-music aficionado, and a closet prepper. He lives in Toronto and can be reached at matthew@biswas.ca or on facebook and Instagram @matthewbiswas
A Word on the Frontispiece
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