NEXT!!! The single most powerful work in my healing journey
My last article left off with me having frozen toes and the sudden realization that I was happiest when I was single. Well, my toes did thaw out and so did my heart, although not fully, and I was ready to embrace the single life. But as I also alluded to, it’s not an easy path to walk and I stumbled a lot, mostly due to the lack of self confidence I was experiencing after not only getting divorced but falling for a woman who simply was not capable of anything even partially meaningful.
I’m fortunate to have an amazing coach, and we talked a lot about what I was going through. I received two pieces of wisdom that I want to share with you.
- 1. Did what happen, happen TO you for FOR you?
- 2. NEXT
The first piece of wisdom “Did what happen, happen TO you for FOR you?” I will write about that another time as it is the longer-term solution and takes longer to answer. Also, my experience was that I needed to apply the second piece of wisdom in order to answer the first.
Let’s be realistic, she’s not coming back, nor do you really want her to. But there is the loneliness, the sense of loss, the self doubt and the resentment that lingers.
So why not just start swiping and go on a date with someone else? NEXT!! You show up on the date and she doesn’t look like her photos – NEXT! Swipe again and she tells you that you live too far away – NEXT!! Ask the woman in the grocery store on a date and she tells you she’s married – NEXT!!
Eventually the NEXT stops and you start dating someone else, or just hooking up or however you both decide to proceed. I can tell you it’s hard to think of the one that left you when the one you’re with is digging her nails into your back! You don’t think of what could have been when you’re worried the headboard is going to break. You don’t think of the wasted time when the one sitting across from you now is so sweet and has such a beautiful smile that it lights up the room.
The Power of NEXT!!
The power of moving on is the true power of next! Allow me to share with you some of the real benefits I experienced by moving on right after my breakup.
Rebuilding Confidence: The breakup left me feeling rejected and doubting my self-worth. Dating can be a way to rebuild your confidence and reaffirm your value. When you receive positive attention and appreciation from new partners, it can help you rebuild your self-esteem and remind you that you are attractive and worthy.
Self-Discovery: Dating was a chance for self-discovery and self-growth. It allows you to learn more about yourself, your likes and dislikes, and what you want in a relationship. Through dating, you may discover new interests, hobbies, and perspectives that can enhance your sense of self and increase your self-esteem.
Emotional Healing: Dating after a breakup can help you move on and heal emotionally. Meeting new people, forming connections, and experiencing positive interactions can boost your mood and help you shift your focus away from the pain of the breakup. It can also provide an opportunity to build new memories and create positive experiences that can overwrite the negative emotions associated with the past relationship.
Sex is healthy and has healing powers. Just Google it.
It’s not easy to move on, but distraction helps in the short-term, and the short-term eventually become the long term.
Next month – “Did what happen, happen TO you for FOR you?”