Fred Boyles Columnist
A team leader I know has been in the job for a year this month and was ranting to me.
He’s had it with these ungrateful men and all the time commitments and tasks it takes to do this job of team leader.
I listened until he was done and asked, “What do you think of what you just said?” He answered, “This is supposed to be my easy time as team leader; what am I doing wrong?”
I said, “What do you think?”
He said, “fuck you.”
So I said, “You fucking idiot; you’re not delegating! You’ve got the memory of a goldfish! All of your mentors have told you the same thing, Give every part of the team leader job away, with a great context, to your men.” I also guided him to have them check in so that he could inspect them, making sure they were doing the task. Finally I suggested he hang out with his buds to show care for his men. I told him he could talk to some, text some and e-mail others, but only when he wanted to.
I figured I fixed him.
A mere 48 hours later he was opening the team meeting with the similar rant he gave me.
I was stunned into silence. But I’ve been down this road before, and the only cure I have found is to listen. We listened, and then there was a “list” (or grudge) clearing, along with the ritual called “Getting your boys back.”
In it, you can ask the men for help on any subject and get the support in ways that best work for you.
Someone asked him, “Are you moving ahead or stagnating in life?”
He started to list all the breakthroughs and personal growth he’s experienced over the last year, how much he now loves himself and all the plans for his future. It was a beautiful expression of a man discovering he is worthy to be loved. I asked, “What do you think about what you just said?”
“I am worthy, and I have moved ahead.”
Now does this mean he’s all fixed and will never fall into being a victim of his commitments? Hell no. He’s had a lifetime of being a victim to his job, wife, son and mostly his addictions. Part of the healing for all of us was our list clearing.
Once I cleared my own list on him, I was in love with him again, and 24 hours later he called me.
He wanted to join him and a new man on the team as they worked on a ritual for the next team meeting. I was so happy to be included in that process, I did not want to get off the phone.
“Love you guys.”
Oh, by the way, the guest who asked the question “Are you moving ahead or stagnating” joined our team, the division and signed up for the Men’s Weekend that very night.
There is magic and miracles when you really listen and express your list so thoroughly that you can accept and love a man who is flawed, again.
And a team that is flawed, again.