Team “Diseases” That Can Kill The Connection

Michael Fowlkes 
MDI Contributor

There are some bad habits or even team “diseases” that can kill teams. Can you name some of them? OK – we will.

Oldtimer’s Disease – when a man thinks, “been there, done that, know them, fuck you!”

Personal Loyalty – when the men on the team become loyal to each other, not to the reason they joined the division/team; personal loyalty actually prevents them from delivering the Weekend to each other. Sometimes called the “Secret Wink.” Personal loyalty has ZERO value on the battlefield, and your team and the division are concerned with the battlefield of your life. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t have friends or be committed to those friendships and make sacrifices for them; that’s fine. This also isn’t about your families or their relationships with women, or their jobs; this is concerning the arena of your teams and the division only. Personal loyalty sounds good, feels good, looks good, but IT ISN’T!

The Abominable “No” Man – this is the team member who says no to everything, whether it’s a team outing, open house, or a proposed division function.

Mr. Body – he shows up, but he’s just a body. He’s all there, but he isn’t all there.

The Unanimal – he tries to bring the democratic approach to everything that the team does. Once he has support for the “we all have to agree” ideology, he brings the team down to his level by not agreeing. Forces the team down to the lowest common denominator.

Doubting Ass-Viper – has doubts about everything, doubts continuously. Doubts things that are a waste of time (i.e. the Code of Honor) as opposed to the doubts that are valuable and that surface from time to time. It is healthy to doubt, but this man is unwilling to resolve his doubts.

Cherry Lifesavers – takes only the parts of the meeting and team life that he likes, only those parts that are convenient and easy, and he leaves the rest.

Parasitemen – men who only take, never give. They always have problems, but they won’t let you support them. Not to be confused with the man who has a problem and lets the team deliver strongly to him, and actually makes progress or even overcomes the problem. That situation is the best you can hope for on your team; to use the Weekend to help a man through his time of trouble. Parasiteman will never let the team help him win, he just has his problems and he keeps taking and taking.

Dilute to Taste – lowering standards to the comfort zone, gray vs. black and white, going the “easy way.”

Divisionitis – “we know what we’re doing”, kicking back after you’ve made it, losing momentum, not pushing to keep the edge.

Other Diseases

  • Dodger Fan: comes in late, leaves early.
  • Abominable “Know” man – a know-it-all, bore.
  • Chief Longwind: A storyteller that doesn’t know when to shut up.
  • The Thin Man: One-dimensional man who hides other layers of himself, becomes predictable.
  • Analysis Paralysis (or Einstein Syndrome): Too Intellectual or over-analysis
  • Stretchless Man – refuses to grow and attempt new endeavors.
  • Hemline Disease – Acts like a woman keeping lists or grudges.
  • Mr. Megaphone – controls by yelling and screaming.
  • The Victim – I fell down and I’m not getting up.
  • Siskel & Ebert – the professional critic.
  • The Process Server – Processes everybody on the team in attempt to fix the man.
  • Sacred Time Curly – jokes when things should be serious.
  • Space Cadet – Drops out everything.

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