Battling it out like Cats and Dogs
Two men square off in the ancient debate about which is the better pet – dogs or cats. A point, counterpoint for the ages.
Andy Resnik: Cats are better!
Jim Ellis: Dogs are better!
AR: Cats have standards; they don’t eat their own barf.
JE: Dogs are willing to clean up their own barf. Talk about “honoring the site and leaving it better than you found it.”
AR: Cats don’t slobber; they keep their spit to themselves.
JE: What’s a little slobber, when cats leave gopher heads on the porch?
AR: Even if a cat is a jerk, he won’t be a complete “bitch.”
JE: Who better to bitch than a bitch? (Apologies to all the mature masculine dogs out there – of either gender.)
AR: Cats understand within minutes where they should and should not pee in the house. And you never have to rush home to take them out to poop.
JE: Being able to walk your dog in public places instantly gives you the opportunity to turn your pooch into a “chick magnet.” Conversation starter you will never hear: “Oh, what kind of cat is that? Is it friendly?”
AR: Kittens make sure you never oversleep, even if they have to wake you before daybreak by attacking your feet and licking your toes.
JE: Dogs let you sleep in.
AR: Cats keep you nimble, limber, and alert by positioning themselves exactly where your foot is about to land.
JE: Dogs show that it is indeed possible to focus attention, without shame, on a visitor’s ass.
AR: Cats keep rodents and reptiles, from taking over your dwellings.
JE: Dogs keep strangers with guns from taking over your dwellings.
AR: Cats cast spells of magical well-being by purring.
JE: Dogs bark … and keep strangers with guns from taking over your dwellings.
AR: Cats will keep you company by sitting on the book in your lap or on top of your keyboard as you type.
JE: Dogs will proactively go berserk, and act like you have just returned from a five-year war when you return from the post office. They show – over and over again, without fail – how much you really mean to them. Plus they won’t sit on your shit when you are trying to read a book.
And the debate continues…