Letting Go of a Good Woman

Greg Powell
Legacy Columnist

In letting go of a good woman, we navigate the tough decision of breaking up.

I found myself in a rather difficult situation, I had been dating a woman for several months, and despite the fact that I truly did enjoy her company and had fun when we were together, I just did not have nor did I develop truly romantic feelings, I saw no long-term future with her.

I knew that I needed to do something about it as I could see that her feelings for me were growing, but I felt lost at what/where/how to move forward. 

Relationships can be both beautiful and complex, and sometimes, despite someone’s admirable qualities, the path of love doesn’t lead where we expect. Breaking up with someone who is genuinely kind, sweet, and loving can be an incredibly challenging experience. It forces us to confront our emotions and question the choices we’ve made, leaving us grappling with feelings of guilt and uncertainty. In this article, I want to share with you the intricacies of parting ways with a woman who was a great person but not the right fit for me, while shedding light on the importance of honest self-reflection and personal growth.

Acknowledge the Uncomfortable Truth

The first step in addressing the situation is to confront the truth head-on. It’s okay to admit that despite the woman’s exceptional qualities, you didn’t feel the same level of connection or compatibility. Recognize that emotions are complex and cannot always be rationalized, and sometimes love alone may not be enough to sustain a relationship. While it is difficult to let go of someone who has been kind and loving, staying in a relationship out of guilt will ultimately lead to more harm than good for both parties involved.

An this was exactly what I was doing, staying in the relationship out of guilt. She checked most of my boxes, not all but most, but I was just not feeling it. My first thought was give it some time and see what happens.  Time lead to me feeling guilty as I took too much time to say anything, birthdays happened, valentines day and other special occasions only made saying anything more difficult – there was never the right time.  And she would do things for me like pick my friend out at the airport because I had a client call. All this made delaying the conversation so much easier to justify. 

The Guilt Factor

Feeling guilty about dating someone for an extended period while not sharing the same level of emotions is a common dilemma. However, it’s essential to understand that relationships are a two-way street. Both partners contribute to the relationship’s dynamics, and it’s possible that the genuine affection she showed masked your doubts for a while. Suppressing your feelings may have seemed easier than facing the inevitable, but harboring guilt won’t lead to a resolution. Instead, use this experience as an opportunity for growth and learning about yourself.

Honesty is Key

When you’ve come to terms with your emotions and the reasons behind your decision, it’s crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Communication is vital in any relationship, especially when it comes to addressing difficult topics like breaking up. Express your feelings respectfully and empathetically, emphasizing that your decision is not a reflection of her worth as a person but rather an acknowledgment of your own emotions and needs.

There will never be a good time to break up.  Every month has a holiday of some kind, or a birthday or an opportunity for a special occasion and it makes for an opportunity for the excuse to delay the inevitable.

Be Compassionate and Empathetic

Breaking up is never easy, and your partner will likely be hurt and upset. During this time, it’s crucial to be compassionate and empathetic. Allow her the space to process her emotions and provide support if needed. Avoid assigning blame or being defensive, as this will only exacerbate the pain. Instead, focus on offering kindness and understanding.

The greatest lesson I was ever taught was “allow people to leave your company with their dignity intact, no matter what the circumstances”.  Remember even though you are breaking up, at one point in time you cared for this person, let that guide you in your words and actions when moving on. It’s not about her its about you, you need to say something, you feel differently. We can be a lot of things in this world, when breaking up – BE KIND. 

Embrace the Lessons Learned

Every relationship, no matter how short or long, offers valuable life lessons. Take this experience as an opportunity to reflect on what you truly want in a partner and a relationship. Understanding your needs and desires will help you make more informed decisions in future relationships.

After telling her it was over, I needed to take a break and reflect. What was it that was missing (after all she checked most of my boxes). I went for long walking in the woods and tried to envision who it was I was myself with in the future and I honestly don’t have an answer year – but I’m enjoying the journey of self discovery. 

Give Yourself Time to Heal

Breaking up with someone you care about takes an emotional toll on both parties. Allow yourself the time and space to heal. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones who can offer support and encouragement during this period. Remember that healing is a process, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time.

Breaking up with a woman who is genuinely kind, sweet, and loving, but not the right person for you, is a difficult decision that requires courage and self-awareness. It’s essential to acknowledge your emotions, confront the truth, and be honest in your communication. While guilt may linger, embracing the lessons learned and giving yourself time to heal will lead to personal growth and a clearer sense of what you truly need in a relationship.

Remember that parting ways doesn’t diminish the goodness within either of you; it simply means acknowledging that your paths – for some real reason – are diverging.

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