As always, it’s good to hear from the men on the topic at hand. On any topic, it’s good to go to the collective wisdom of the men and see what is to be shared and revealed. This month we hear from the men posting on social media, in answer to this question: “What are the attributes of the “Mature Masculine?”
Jay Bond – Nothin’ to prove, just doin’ what he needs to do.
Keith Raskin – Virtues: leadership, empathetic, cautious, decisive. To name few.
Pete Hymans – He doesn’t spend much time (if at all) judging or weighing the supposed “masculinity” of others.
Keith Gosselin – I would imagine the ability to tell other men when you have a grudge and once you tell them, you move on. Not the whole I forgive but I won’t forget thing spreading around. That sounds like a new and innovative way to hold a list. So no list holding, against anyone, ever. Clean it up and move on.
Crawford Hart – Comfortable with absolutes. “Yes” and “No” work well in most situations. Likewise, This, not That. Before you start messing around with shades of grey and excluded middles, get clear about black and white, one and zero.
Never try – Instead, give your best. If you succeed, aim higher next time. If you fail, reassess your preparedness, and the obstacles before you.
Blame nothing, and no one. The lesson is always yours to learn. There may be lessons for others; they may or may not learn them, but that’s their business.
Make it fun.
Sandy Feder – Controlling my negative emotions. Frequently, that means NOTICING and RESPECTING when my “reflexive response” is anger, annoyance, disappointment, etc. But then consciously choosing to not ACT on it.
Kent Holman – Doing what is necessary when one is uncomfortable!
Gary Wojciechowski – Here we talk about the mature masculine. I can easily tell you what it’s not. It’s not being macho, it’s not harming others out of emotional rage, it’s not an uncontrolled ego, it’s not being a bully, it’s not being a big baby, it’s not being dishonest, it’s not someone who does not take responsibility, it’s not a whole list of negatives that are harmful to society, women and children. IT IS being true to our highest nature as a man, taking responsibility, stepping up, taking responsibility, defending humanity, having self-control of our emotional state, not letting anger ruin our lives or others, being trustworthy, honest and true. I could go on but that should point you in the right direction.
Thomas Farrell – Men give more than they take and are responsible for and accountable to others. Yes, that suggests that single, Lone Ranger types are acting more like boys, who’s primary responsibility is to only care for themselves.
This may be redundant but men can also be counted on. The dirtier the work, the more they can be counted on. Also, I was with my grandson all weekend. He makes lots of demands and expects to get everything he wants and is constantly testing others and looking for ways to create his being powerful, artificially. Taking insignificant ways to feel powerful and in charge of his life… Instead of being 110% responsible for his life. (He’s 3 so he can’t really do that, but young men lack taking 100% responsibility for what’s happening in their life.) Fighting with mature folks for false control instead of driving their own life through being 100% responsible.
Jmarshall Stein – Knowing what to take seriously. How to act responsibly. How to say ‘I will fix it’, ‘I will get it done.’ Taking action; moving beyond comfort and doing that which is difficult and uncomfortable but necessary. Becoming the leader and no longer the follower. Becoming the protector instead of the one seeking protection. Willing to sacrifice one’s own enjoyment and pleasure for the enjoyment and betterment of others. Willing to give and devote oneself to those dependent on him. Willing to identify what is truly significant, meaningful and a priority in life, and, willing to become earnest and devoted to those significant things. Applying oneself at 100 percent to meaningful things, which also have purpose. Producing positive results and being generative. Demonstrating strength, stamina, nobility and endurance.
Rick Wright – Leaders that enroll and inspire with their vision, where the men demand the same from their leaders.
Marc Hupert – Lets see: 1. Humility. 2. Vulnerability. 3. Impeccable listener. 4. Compassionate. 5. Strong empathy. 6. Willing to evolve. 7. Inner strength. 8. Lives in the Present. 9. Takes NOTHING personally. 10. Is willing to do what’s best for the whole without letting ego get the best of him. 11. Soul over ego. 12. Is able to be alone. 13. Being of service. 14. Can balance archetypes and apply when needed. 15. Lover is KING.
Bill Siesseger – How can I help?
And from some of the core leadership from the San Diego Men’s Division, under DC Chris Christopher:
- Thinks ahead. Plans well. Laughs easily. Asks good questions.
- Very thorough. Very exacting. Maybe too exacting but it’s worth it. Writes well. Always thinking about how to bring men ‘up’ by encouraging men. Has lots of heart and passion.
- Really cares for the men. Has good advice.
- Humble yet confident.
- Confident but not arrogant.
- Does what he says he is going to Do. “Keeps he word”
- Decisive. Not afraid to make a decision. Does not “waffle back and forth”
- Does what he believe is Right. Knows what he believes in and does not waiver from that.
- Life Balance – not ruled by the emotions of the moment
- Open to listing to other point of view. Not judgmental
- Self-Confident – Knows who he is and what is important to him.
- Compassionate – Care about others, not self-centered.
- Attractive – Someone you want to be around and someone you have admiration for.
- Loyal – will back you When he believe you are in the right.
- Know his purpose and live it.
- Brave – Willing to step beyond comfort zone for the right purpose.
- Uses a code of honor to guide his actions and behavior.
- Finds the positive in any situation and especially the lessons.
- Is driven by a higher purpose that influences his choices.
- Understands that the shadows of the mature masculine man are within him.
- When a shadow appears, he is aware of it and makes a conscious choice about his actions.
- He is humble and realizes that there is improvement that he can make
- He is clear on his terms and his commitments.
- He holds himself accountable to his commitments and cleans up the messes he makes.
- He brings other men up and supports them to win.
- He creates order and abundance.
- Women and children can trust him.
- He exercises leadership when needed.
- He takes care of his body and spirit so they are healthy.
- A career that serves his purpose.
- Celebrates his wins and celebrates other’s victories.
- Holds personal standards.
- Calls others out when they are out of honor.
- Directly applies himself to serve at the levels: team, community and higher.
- Direct communication – not hinting, not sarcastic or passive aggressive.
- Humble – not have all the answers. Open to suggestions.
- Moves from “what can I get” to “what can I contribute.”
- No lists – Clear with men directly.
- Cleans up broken word unsolicited.
- Fiscally responsible (not necessarily rich, but owns his finances).
- Man is in no problem around solution and not into blame or victimhood.
- Doing the right thing regardless of personal gain.
- Accepting the outcome of your decisions.
- Accepting that not all decisions work out as intended.
- Being confident in your actions regardless of feelings.
- Making decisions based on fact, not feelings.
- Being open to criticism.
- Asking for help.
- Being willing to learn new ideas.
- Being Humble.
- Serving others without expecting something in return.
- Being a leader that inspires others to be their best.
- Being impeccable with your word.
- Plays at the level of managing careers, families, and his impact on the people in his community.
- Has his life under control, not living in a mess.
- Plans for the future, i.e. not living paycheck-to-paycheck.
- Gives and receives the truth in his relationships and beyond.
- Continuously seeks personal growth.
- Open to outside perspectives on himself, even though they can be painful.
- Is looked to by people in his life for feedback and direction.
- Is trusted by at least 85% of the people in his life.
- Is conscious of how he affects the people around him.
- Gives his time and energy to people in need.
- Recognizes his needs and sets up in his life sources that feed them.
- Owns his responsibilities, even the actions of people he is responsible for, such as his children or employees.
- Respects his superiors and finds new superiors if they are causing problems in his life.
- Is aware of his terms, and cuts off relationships with people who disrespect those terms.
- Recognizes when an aspect of his life is creating problems for him and changes it proactively to prevent more damage.
- Owns his responsibility for the quality of his life and personal well-being.
- Owns his mistakes and takes the best path forward that he can find to mend them.
- Is a balanced, 3-dimensional man.