This month, our magazine’s fearless editor posited a fascinating question: “Why is it so difficult for men to make friends?” Bah, I say to that. Humbug!
Men enjoy the company of men. So, how come we think making friends is hard?
In my experience, asking men to be in relationship is the hard part. “Oh, it’s too late. He’ll be busy. He has other friends,” blah, blah, blah. The BS we tell our selves is endless. Any of this sound familiar? Isn’t this the same banter we tell ourselves and our teammates when we think about asking a man to come to a team meeting or an MDI event we’re having? Well, as they teach in The Art of Masculinity (TAOM), STOP IT!
Bob Newhart, Stop it! Photo by Jim Wallace
for the Smithsonian Inst. (November 2004).
These past two-plus years have brought many new men into my life. I did not start out thinking, great, I am going to make a ton of new friends! I thought it was all about doing the work but, as I reflect, it’s that by being in relationship with these men I have made a lot of new friends.
For me, the friend formula turns out to require two key things: time in relationship; and trust. Inside MDI, the trust element is satisfied quickly as, on our teams, trust is essential. If men on teams don’t trust each other, the team rallies to address the issue and, one way or another, trust is restored.
Image by Chase Baker.
The time element is pretty simple too. Want to spend time with a man, or anyone for that matter? Just ask. That is where I have often hesitated. I let the self-talk tell me the man is too busy or I let doubt creep in and talk me out of inviting him to be part of my life. The biggest mistake I make is failing to ask a man to let me in.
Lest we think, well I could easily ask an MDI man, but that would never work with men outside the organization, I challenge us all to ask, why not? As they say in golf, 100 percent of all putts left short never go in. I would translate that here to 100 percent of invitations never made go unaccepted.
Photo by Courtney Cook.
Now, I love golf. Not only do I enjoy the game, I enjoy the people I meet. If I show up at a golf course alone, I am usually paired with people I’ve never met. Rarely do I fail to have a friendly relationship with my playing companions and before long we’re sharing stories and building a friendship. Some only last the round, while others blossom into deeper, longer-term friendships. Trust and time together become the glue.
So, I at least, reject our editor’s challenge, and his assertion that it’s hard for men to make friends. Instead, I would challenge us all to issue an invitation. New friends are waiting to take your call. Go ahead, be courageous. Then, write to Legacy Magazine about all your new friends and tell our editor, Bah… Humbug!
About the Author
Chris Christopher is the sitting president of Mentor, Discover, Inspire (MDI), an international non-profit men’s organization dedicated to mentoring men to live with excellence, hence to become better husbands, fathers and leaders.
Christopher earned a bachelor’s in economics and political science from Northwestern University and a law degree and MBA from the University of Virginia. He is a partner at Darden Brothers, a private equity firm he co-founded in 1995. It is, among other things, the largest independent battery distributor in Canada.
Christopher lives in San Diego, California, and has two adult children.
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