Matt Coddington
Guest Writer
How is it that I can be amidst eight billion people yet feel lonely? I’m certainly not alone with all of them around me. What’s the difference between being alone and feeling lonely?
I’m a part of many communities, now that I think about it. And like the concentric rings in a tree trunk, each circle starting from the very center and moving outward, they get larger in diameter until I arrive at the ring of eight billion. So why do I sometimes feel lonely – as if I’d washed up on a deserted island in the middle of an ocean with only a volleyball named Wilson to talk to ?
For me, it starts with the passing away of family members I grew up with. Uncle Joe, Aunty Doris, Uncle Bill, Aunty Echo, Nana, cousin Mary Jane, and cousin Kathy. The loss of exploring Aunty Doris’ pantry in the house on Persia Street in the excelsior district of San Francisco and finding Bradshaw’s spun honey for my morning toast. Uncle Joe’s speed bag for boxing practice and fishing poles down in the garage, Mary Jane’s paintings, drawings, and calligraphy. Aunty Echo and Uncle Bill’s house on Loma Vista in Burlingame with the plaid curtains that I knew as the year-round Christmas house.
As all of them eventually left, one by one over the years, I became a little lonelier.
Then it came to my mother and father’s passing away. Billie Ruth, affectionately known by me as “Mombo Combo and My Favorite Mom”, and Joe, affectionately known by me as “Daddy”. Boom! They were gone. That’s when the faint tinge of loneliness and the reality of really being on my own as a man and human being kicked in. The nuclear triangle had dissolved and it was officially over. Every experience, every decision, and every result was of my own making. That was true before they left, but it became much more apparent afterward as I’ve aged and reflect upon this. Gone were the days of the comfort and protection of the two biggest people and relationships I’ve ever had.
As a man and a human being truly on my own, I became a little lonelier.
My older sister Linda is still here. My older brother Phil is here, too. But the days will come when they won’t be. On those days, I’ll become a little lonelier.
Loneliness has nothing to do with having billions of people around me but has everything to do with loss, and the biggest losses I’ve experienced are the losses of the people I’ve loved. I keep the memories in my heart and mind. They are always with me forever until I’m a memory for someone else. I can only hope that someone is a little lonelier because I left and went elsewhere.
Loneliness isn’t bad. It just means you’re missing something or someone. It may feel bad at times, but it’s your soul reminding you that in the end there are only three things that ultimately matter – faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.
