Editorial
Dan Kempner
Editor
Legacy Magazine
For years I’ve pined to write a screenplay about what really goes on in men’s heads. It would go something like this:
FADE IN:
EXT. CROWDED SIDEWALK, NEW YORK CITY — DAY
The street is filled with businessmen and women dressed in suits, briefcases, etc., teens on their way to school, stores setting up, a polyglot of people at a bus stop, waitresses serving at outdoor cafés.
CAMERA (one continuous shot)] at eye level, seeing the surroundings through KEMPNER’S eyes as he walks down the avenue talking on a CELL PHONE. A voiceover begins of KEMPNER talking on the phone while his MIND’s stream-of-consciousness reveals all it thinks and sees in his semi conscious.
KEMPNER
“Yeah, okay, I agree. We need to email the…”
Oh my God, look at those nipples poking through her shirt.
“…guys in marketing as soon as…”
They must be pretty long to show through like that. Christ I love long nipples.
“…we’ve finished the draft. Better do it this afternoon to get it on top of their inboxes after lunch. I’ll be at the office around one o’clock so…”
Jesus, she’s bending over. I’ll move a little to the left and – fuck, she’s looking this way, better straighten up. Maybe if I keep walking and slide my eyes to the left – damn! Too late.
“…I’ll finish the draft and have it to them by one-thirty. Right. Yes. Right. The language doesn’t…”
Wow, the girl in that store’s legs are perfect, I love that shape, great thighs. Are those – yes! Panties! No, just a fold of skirt. Oh well.
“…have to be perfect, we just need a framework the marketing guys can work with. Right. When you get in come to my office and we’ll polish it up.”
KEMPNER stops at the corner just as the TRAFFIC LIGHT is changing. CAMERA pans up to the light, down to the curb where KEMPNER’s toes can be seen walking across the intersection, then back up to the people around him.
KEMPNER’S VOICEOVER CONTINUES
“Come to think of it, can you call Brian and ask for last year’s campaign? We need to ensure we don’t…”
Low-cut blouse, two-o’clock!
“…repeat it. That happened three years ago and it caused a lot of problems. For once, let’s make sure we don’t…
Oh baby, look at that face… stunning!
screw it up, right? Uh huh, I hear you. Better call him right now and….”
Nice! Beautiful butt cheeks on that redhead!
“…shoot me a text if I need to adjust the language. Hey, I’m just a few blocks from our build…”
Oh, that gal is smokin’ hot! The curve of her back, it’s… it’s perfection!
“…ing. Do you want some coffee? I can stop at the coffee shop downst…”
Christ! Look at the shape of those breasts!
“…airs and pick up a bagel or something. No? Okay, see you when I get upst…”
Nice hair. Not such a great butt… nice and high, but too wide.
“…airs. Bye for now.”
Phew, now that butt is perfect. Oh man, I’d like to…
“Hold the elevator!”
Hope that cute brunette is getting on the same elevator as me. No! She isn’t. I’d better wait for the next one.
I don’t know how many men will recognize themselves in this but that’s what my daily life is like. All day. Every day. Sick or well. And that’s despite having a plentiful and fulfilling sex life with a loving, affectionate partner.
Some men pay for their relief, whether they have a great partner or not. Recent research found that about 14% of US men admit having plunked down cash for sex at some point.1
But a significant number of men, including many married men, are having sex rarely or not at all.2
The reaction to this to this state of affairs, from both partners, “included feelings of frustration, depression, and rejection. Others reported concentration difficulties (e.g., difficulty thinking about anything other than sex) and low self-esteem. Most said that the lack of sex was a major problem in their lives.”
Ya think?
Many men, in short, are living in a state of sexual desperation. They are afraid of, or resigned to, the idea, that they may never have sex again, and they have no idea what if anything can be done about it.
Men from all the above categories apparently use pornography for – according to a 2020 study – some “91.5% of men… reported having consumed pornography in the past month.”3
Beyond that, many such images portray violent sexual acts: naked women are slapped, chained, choked, penetrated, urinated on, gang raped by groups of men, or all the above at once.
In short, these actresses submit to things that most women would neither request nor tolerate: that would be deemed barbaric or disgusting in any other context. Despite being paid for undergoing them, concerns of exploitation and abuse – by men – can’t be dismissed by saying ‘it’s just business.”
It’s still unclear whether there is a direct link between men’s viewing of violent sex and their subsequent behavior. What is undeniable is that, according to the National sexual Violence Center, “one in five women in the United States experienced completed or attempted rape during their lifetime.”4 One. In. Five. Think of that!
How many women do you know? Well, one in five of them…
Look, as a man who had a mother; two grandmothers; three aunts; a sister; a wife; and now two daughters, the statistics say at least two of them have been, or nearly been, raped. Add in my friends, my colleagues, my customers, my friends’ wives and daughters.
And those are only the ‘reported’ events. Some 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police,5 so it’s far worse than laid out above.
But who is perpetrating all this? Who is raping 2 out of every 10 women we all know? Well.. men are. Husbands. Fathers. Neighbors. Grandfathers. Uncles. Teachers. Friends. Strangers.
Statistically speaking again, is there any chance that some of those men are not some of us, the writers and readers of this article?
Whatever the answer, it’s clear that sex – how much, how little, what kind, with whom, and of what quality and legality – is a weighty matter, and that men are doing a lousy job getting it right.
There is, it seems, nothing more central to what fuels how we think, how we behave, even our internal chatter – such as my own brain’s constant sexual ramblings, above.
So whether we have sex often, rarely or never; whether indulging in porn is appropriate or not; and whether we perpetrate sexual violence against our women, or not… sex is a huge part of being men. It’s a big deal and it’s not going away and…
Holy smokes! Look at that stunner coming this way… Perfection! Oh my God, what bones, what skin. If only…
- International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology Volume: 58 Issue: 7 Ordinary or Peculiar Men? Comparing the Customers of Prostitutes with a Nationally Representative Sample of Men,
↩︎ - Psychology Today, How Couples in Sexless Marriages Cope ↩︎
- Solano I, Eaton NR, O’Leary KD. Pornography Consumption, Modality and Function in a Large Internet Sample. J Sex Res. 2020 Jan.
↩︎ - National Sexual Violence Research Center (NSVRC), Sexual Assault Statistics ↩︎
- Ibid ↩︎
