[Editor’s Note: the videos embedded herein were created for private circulation on YouTube to promote and memorialize several events held in the Bay Area in years past. Use by permission by their creator, G. Brown (currently a Legacy Magazine cartoonist).]
In 1996, I left the Sterling Bushido Men’s Division1 and joined a circle called East Bay Nation of Men (EBNOM).
This “tribe” was part of a larger community called the Nation of Men (NOM), that included many other tribes and teams formed and populated by the hundreds of Sterling Men’s Weekend (SMW)2 graduates in the SF bay area.
I soon became aware that bad blood was simmering between MDI, the largest of the splinter groups that had left Sterling, and NOM. There was friction between many of the other tribes as well.
All the men who’d graduated from Sterling wanted a new community for similar reasons: they did not want top-down leadership, with all decisions made by Justin Sterling. They wanted to be in their own power, with a grass-roots leadership structure. It was kinda like a growing son ready to rebel against his father.
There were many attempts among the Bay Area circles to have joint circle activities and events, but the contrasts in their various ways of being, what we call ‘context,’ led to conflict and distrust.
Randy Listman. (Note: The clarity of this image has been enhanced by GeminiAi -Editor)
That’s when Randy Listman3 formed the Reachout team,4 whose aspiration was to actualize the standard of “embrace and respect all men” common to all our circles.
The first Circles of Men (COM) event was held one evening in the hills above San Francisco bay. It was like a straw vote on the interest level men had on engaging with other like-minded circles. Had time and maturity shut off, or at least lowered, the heat fueling the bad blood?
Apparently so. A hundred forty-five men showed up. The camaraderie and commonality made it a success, and clearly showed there was overwhelming support for Reachout to continue the work of affiliating the men’s circles.
The subsequent COM events—held in each of the next eight years—were taken out of the hands of the Reachout team. They were led instead by leaders and production teams from the various teams, circles, and communities who had embraced the concept. Each of them held some portion of the magic that comes from committed men gathering in the woods with food, fire, fun, and ceremony.
But around COM III, Reachout upped the ante. We formed a Leader’s Council made up of representatives from each of the many circles. This council gathered monthly to vision and plan other cooperative activities for the purpose of increased depth of communication, collaboration, cooperation, and cross pollination.
One such event was a workshop where each circle led the others in some ceremony, activity, or process unique to that circle. MDI, for example, shared its CPR planning and accountability technology. The East Bay men, my own circle, shared their monthly Sacred Circle, a container for men to share—transparently and vulnerably—what they are really experiencing and going through.
The Legacy of men’s work in modern times has been, and continues to be, made by us. We are committed to living our lives with purpose, to becoming the best men and providers we can. We make a difference. We make lives better.
I am—we all are—standing on one leg, waving our hands in the air, being out of control, and not knowing what we’re doing.5
We desperately need the collaboration begun by the Reachout team. We need one another’s help.
These are rough times, unprecedented times, affecting everyone and everything on earth. We have been gathering tools from our initiations, workshops, trainings, and circle meetings in order to deal with whatever there is to deal with.
We can do this.
We must do this.
References:
1. The Sterling Bushido Men’s Division was a division rooted in the Sterling Institute of Relationship’s men’s circles located in the New York area
2. The Sterling Men’s Weekend is, along with the Sterling Women’s Weekend, the signature weekend event of the Sterling Institute of Relationship.
It is not affiliated with Mentor, Discover, Inspire (MDI)
3. Randall ‘Randy’ Listman (1953-2017) was a long-time member of, and leader in, Mentor, Discover, Inspire (MDI). See our obituary
4. See Michael Burns, Bay Area Men: A Mythopoetic Legacy, Legacy Magazine, April 2026
5. A reference to a rule used in a game of Capture the Flag at a COM event. See Michael Burns, Gods of the Redwoods: Men, Legacy, and an Epic Game of Capture the Flag, Legacy Magazine, March 2026
About the author...
Michael “Burnsie” Burns has been active in men’s circles since 1986 when he graduated from Sterling’s Men, Sex, and Power. He is 78, retired, has been married for 27 years, and is a member of both EBCOM and MDI. He has no children and is committed to supporting men, teams, families, and communities. His focus and attention are centered on his wife, Pat; on personal fitness; and on mentoring, and awareness.
A note on the frontispiece...
The frontispiece image atop this article was adapted from the original video photography seen here by GeminiAi.
