Craig Jones
Columnist
I wasn’t his relative, nor was I on his men’s team. We did not ‘go way back’ via a connection from youth or college or military service. We were not part of some tight-knit circle of friends. And we did not share much about our personal or emotional lives. Except for occasional MDI business, the only thing we ever did together was talk about writing, and even that was all via email or the occasional text, such as the one below.
I’ve dealt with death before. Hard not to when you’re in your seventies. I’ve dealt with the deaths of people much closer to me, emotionally, than James Anthony Ellis.
btw,
would love to grab a bit of time while you are in town to talk about writing.
cool?
– Jae
I only saw him face to face a handful of times – at International events when East met West – but always in a group context. I’d send him articles for the Legacy Magazine and he’d reply with comments. That was it, that was our whole relationship. He was editor and I was writer.
so… mr. jones.
might we be hearing or reading from your elegant pen?
– Jae
How could I say no?
He was also on the mailing list for the blog I wrote, twice a week, for years and he would comment on that by email as well. He was someone I exchanged writerly comments with periodically, as writers are inclined to do.
do you think you’ll have something in the new year along our themes or anything else?
no pressure. (oh, ok…. there is always pressure. just no obligation… 🙂
– Jae
I had him in my cell phone directory, still do. I have several deceased men in there that I haven’t had the heart to delete and he’s now one of them.
I wanted to be one of the men who was beating the shit out of himself because they were close to Ellis and still didn’t realize how much trouble he was in. Due to the dramatic nature of his death, I wished I’d been a bigger part of the story – and he well knew how I liked to tell stories.
i love your story
brought me to tears
some parts are poetic genius
– Jae
His death was a challenge to the story I once had about being in mens circles. Here at last, I thought, was a place where men didn’t have to hide out, where they could avoid committing crimes, or hitting their women and children, or being so discouraged that they’d actually consider taking their own lives.
But, just as no two people ever read the same book, no two people know the same person. What I have to offer, one facet of the diamond known as James Anthony Ellis, is drawn from all the correspondence I received from him. I’ve saved them, because they were meaningful to me; and they were unlike any others in the sense that he was an editor and I was a contributing writer, up against a deadline every month.
cool, life of a writer
– Jae
He took his job seriously and so did I. We both approached it as if we were publishing a major periodical with millions of subscribers. I felt nervous telling him the truth about how much I wanted to be a writer and how hard it was to believe in it. I often came up against deadlines and wigged out, like some temperamental artist with his head up his ass, asking for more time. He never judged me or beat me up, just continued to believe in me and treat me like a fellow writer.
i must be a writer because everything I write I think is shittier
than anything that’s come before
– Jae
Saving all our texts and emails has proven valuable for this reflection. It has been a joy to review them. They are full of lively back-and-forth between us and I treasure them for the spirit and content he left behind for me. I’m grateful for all I learned from him and grateful I can still reread and profit from what he gave to me.
it’s the war of art!
– Jae
Jim was one of the most important resonators in my writing life. In a book about The Inklings, the Oxford writing group of Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, et al, the author describes what he calls ‘resonators’: people who act as a friendly, interested, and supportive audience for a particular writer. Resonators express confidence in the writer’s talents. They understand what their writer is attempting, and project unshakable faith in that artist’s ability to succeed.
put me on the list. write stuff.
– Jae
With the help of a resonator, an author can make the leap from where they are as a writer, to where they need to be. Jim was all of that to me and I am a better writer, and man, because he was in my life.
It’s a good time to remember a passage from the film “I Never Sang For My Father,” a line that says, “death doesn’t end a relationship. Truly, Jim’s passing doesn’t end our relationship, not for me: he still lives in his words.
thank you Mr. Jones. this can work
man you are prolific.
(He used to call me “Mr Prolific.”)
but in the future, can you give us the first publishing rights, like any true magazine would want?
thanks!
– Jae
