Burnsie... In The House!
A pledge. A stand. A goal, or a plan. Commitments, proclamations, or assertions.
My first thought when I heard Legacy Magazine’s July theme, Declarations! was this: I’m done.
I’m through making declarations. I’m done making goals. Maybe it’s time to hang ’em up.
Maybe, in fact, I’m just done.
Photo by rtb3 Photography
To be clear, came my very next thought, it’s not likely that I’m done. I have a few commitments already made, and those must be kept. I had pledged, for example, to be a specific weight by a certain date in ’27, and that pledge must be fulfilled; then there were duties I’d volunteered for at various events, and my presence is required. I am still bound by these and other past declarations. But, going forward?
As a boy, as a young man, and again as an adult, I often heard it suggested that to be a man I must “know what I want and go after it.” Once the goal was clear, I gathered, I should then declare my intention to achieve measurable results towards achieving it, and a timeline for each step. Then I’d be a successful boy and, in time, a successful man.
Photo by Gregory Hayes.
There has, in fact, been one primary goal I’ve had from an early age: to understand who I am. This I have set out to do according to the wisdom above. As detailed in last month’s column [S’girat Ma’agal: Full Circle, LegacyMag, June 2026] I set out to discover, and to understand, my Jewish roots. And, more or less in line with the program, I gained that understanding.
But my inner workings? That is neither so easy nor so linear. To achieve it I examine my part in how circumstances unfold. I dissect how I thought and acted in the circumstance, and how I interpreted the reactions people had to me. And I’ve learned that my most-useful tool for gaining this understanding is to share my experiences. To talk about them, discuss them. And, of course, to write about them.
Photo by Israel Palacio
The other critical tool, feedback — especially from those who care for and support me — is a wonderful way to see myself from different points of view. And recently, the feedback I’ve collected has forced me to reconsider some of my self perceptions. It’s made me question whether, after all the work, all the commitments, and all the moving around and striving… whether, after so many, many years I was, simply, done.
Image created using ChatGPT_Ai software.
When I embrace that feedback, I come back to the first thought: I’m done. Recently, I voluntarily spent a number of days being retired from the constant exploration of who, what, where, why, and how I am. Which includes not making declarations to fine tune, improve, or change the way I am being. And I really like how it felt during those few days of ‘vacation’ / ‘retirement.’
I am, therefore, increasing awareness of my priorities while decreasing making declarations and commitments. This will bring me closer to my vision of me as a successful man; living in the present reality, not in the past or future La La Land.
About the author:
Michael “Burnsie” Burns has been active in men’s circles since 1986 when he graduated from Sterling’s Men, Sex, and Power. He is 78, retired, has been married for 27 years, and is a member of both the East Bay Circle of Men (EBCOM) and Mentor, Discover, Inspire (MDI). He has no children and is committed to supporting men, teams, families, and communities. His focus and attention are centered on his wife, Pat; on personal fitness;
and on mentoring, and awareness.
A Note on the Frontispiece:
Photo by Mehdi Mirzaie / Unsplash
