Stan Loth,
Guest Writer

When I joined Mentor, Discover, Inspire (MDI) in 2008 I found men. I found men in a way that I’d never experienced before in my life of 86 years. It has been a journey of discovery: finding myself, finding the man I should have been 50 years earlier, and also finding the way to become the man my partner, Joyce, could trust and respect. The man that made her want to work at creating the best partnership we could have. 

My men have put up with me, supported me, and educated me. But one tool that has been very powerful in my relationship has never been mentioned and I want to share that with you.

Many women like to give advice. Or, they like to instruct their partners. Most of us don’t like to be told what to do.

Yet I have found that I can allow my partner to ask me any question—with the understanding that I don’t have to answer.

Now, instead of telling me to wash the dishes, she asks me if I will. It’s a joke, of course. However, despite that, it really works. 

I no longer feel a tension, wondering when she’ll give me advice or order me to do something. Now, nobody’s perfect, and there are times when she doesn’t phrase things she wants me to do as a question. Yet when I ask her to phrase it that way, she does.

This tool, and others the men have shared with me, have allowed Joyce and I to have a wonderful, low- tension relationship and we work at it every day.

I encourage you to share MDI with men you care about—at as young an age as possible—so their lives will be as rich, and as wonderful, as possible.