Matt Tager
Guest Writer
This is the first installment of Built on Purpose, a new column focused on how purpose shapes career decisions as men take on greater responsibility. Built on Purpose is about becoming the kind of man others can rely on — by making career decisions you can stand behind, at work, at home, and in life.
Many men spend years building careers without ever stopping to ask whether the path they’re on truly fits who they are becoming. When responsibility increases — to family, team, organization, or community — those unanswered questions surface quickly.
This is not about quick wins or polished success stories. It explores how purpose forms over time, how it clarifies direction, and how it helps men make career decisions they can stand behind. Purpose doesn’t eliminate pressure: it clarifies how a man moves through it.
BUILT ON PURPOSE #1
Why Purpose Comes First
Most men begin their working lives focused on one thing: providing. Landing a job. Earning a paycheck. Proving we can carry our weight.
I did the same. Early in my career, purpose wasn’t something I could have articulated. I didn’t lack drive — I lacked direction. I was responding to opportunity, obligation, and pressure without a clear sense of why I was choosing what I was choosing.
For a while, that works. But eventually the question changes from How do I make a living? tWhat kind of man am I becoming through the work I do?
That shift is purpose — and it changes everything.
Personal Reflection
Looking back, I can see that I was making progress, but it wasn’t intentional progress. I was moving forward without a compass. Decisions were made based on what was available or expected, not on what actually fit.
Progress without purpose still looks like progress – promotions, paychecks, credibility – but over time it starts to resemble the directionless feather from the Forrest Gump movie… gliding through life with no particular purpose. What does show up is restlessness, second-guessing, and a quiet sense that something important is missing.
That’s usually the moment men start asking better questions about their careers.
The Core Insight
Purpose isn’t a luxury reserved for men who “figure it out early.”
It’s a foundation. Without purpose:
-> Career decisions become reactive
-> Confidence depends on external validation
-> Direction collapses under pressure
-> Even success can feel hollow
Men who understand their purpose don’t just move faster — they make fewer decisions they later have to undo. They know which opportunities to pursue and which to walk away from. They evaluate roles not just by status or compensation, but by fit, timing, and responsibility.
When men struggle in their careers, it’s rarely a résumé problem or a strategy problem.
It’s a purpose problem.
Purpose gives direction.
Direction builds momentum.
Momentum shapes careers.
And careers shape lives.
Why This Matters in MDI
MDI exists to help men grow into mature, masculine leaders — men who live with integrity, responsibility, and intention in their families, their work, and their communities.
Purpose is not abstract self-work.
It is the tool men use to make better career decisions under responsibility.
Without purpose, men drift into roles that don’t fit.
With purpose, men choose paths they can stand behind — even when the choices are hard.
Looking Ahead
In the issues ahead, Built on Purpose will feature real conversations with men who have carried responsibility over time — men who have navigated tradeoffs, made difficult career decisions, and learned what purpose looks like when life is full and the stakes are real.
These are not highlight reels.
They are lived stories.
Reflection
Take five quiet minutes and ask yourself:
When have I felt most grounded, capable, and useful in my work or service?
Those moments aren’t random. Purpose often reveals itself through responsibility, not comfort.
BUILT ON PURPOSE #2
Leadership Requires the Willingness to Decide:
A conversation with Kevin Lavery on career decisions, responsibility, and leading without perfect information.
Most men don’t struggle in their careers because they lack options. They struggle because they don’t know how to decide.
Careers rarely unfold with perfect information. Responsibilities overlap. Family, finances, and leadership expectations are always present. And yet, decisions still have to be made. As Kevin Lavery told me,
“Leadership requires the willingness to make decisions on incomplete information, because people are counting on you.”
Kevin’s career offers a grounded example of what that actually looks like in practice.
Career Reality, Not a Straight Line
Kevin Lavery joined MDI back during the Sterling Institute’s heyday and, at one point, was the DC of the Santa Clara Men’s Division. Over the years, Kevin has served as a consultant in industrial water treatment, a property owner and manager, and a Captain in the U.S. Coast Guard Reserves. Alongside that, he has been a husband, a father of two boys, and a long-standing leader within MDI — running the Point Program at the division and regional levels and now serving as Vice President of the Membership Training Program.
What stands out isn’t the number of roles Kevin has held, but the way he has held them – steadily, responsibly, and without fragmenting his life.
From the beginning, his career decisions were guided by two questions:
-> Am I being fully responsible to the organization I serve?
-> How will this decision affect the people who depend on me?
That mindset came directly from military leadership, where waiting for perfect clarity isn’t an option and responsibility is never abstract. When we talked about purpose, Lavery was clear it didn’t arrive as a neatly packaged statement early in his career. It clarified over time – especially as responsibility increased.
“My decisions were driven by fully accepting responsibility as a provider, and by wanting the next generation to have better opportunities than I did.”
That sense of responsibility became a practical filter for career decisions. Not Is this interesting? or Is this impressive? — but Does this align with what I’m responsible for right now?
A Concrete Decision
One of the clearest examples came when Lavery decided to pursue his MBA.
He was already carrying a full professional load, military commitments, and family responsibilities. He didn’t want to go back to school. But the opportunity was there — fully funded through military service.
As Lavery explained, he couldn’t look himself in the mirror and say no.
“My purpose was knocking on the door, telling me this was something I needed to do.”
With the support of his men’s team, he committed to two demanding years of night school. That decision paid off — not just professionally, but personally — because it aligned with the responsibility he had accepted.
Career Decisions Get Heavier, Not Easier
One of the quiet lessons from Lavery’s story is this: career decisions don’t get simpler as you advance. They get heavier. More people are affected. More is at stake. Saying yes always means saying no somewhere else.
Leadership isn’t about maximizing opportunity. It’s about managing responsibility.
That lesson now shows up in how Lavery leads men in MDI – with encouragement, clarity, and accountability – helping men grow not just in confidence, but in ownership.
For the Man Reading This…
If you’re facing a career decision right now — whether to stay, leave, or step into something new — this matters:
Don’t wait for perfect information.
Don’t confuse hesitation with wisdom. And don’t make decisions that ask others to carry what you’re unwilling to carry yourself. Purpose doesn’t remove difficulty. It gives you a standard to decide by.
