Robert Munafo
Guest Writer
Some years ago I worked for a while as a chimney repair technician. I rode shotgun in a white commercial van with another MDI man.
We’d arrive at a customer’s address just after dawn, put our 40-foot extension ladder on the side of their three-story house, climb to the peak of the roof, and repair the chimney by removing and re-cementing the bricks. From this work I gained a lot of tradecraft, customer-relations skills, and personal confidence.
But by far the most memorable benefit of this period was what I got from the time we spent sitting in traffic or otherwise making our way around the Boston suburban area.
My colleague always drove so he got to choose what we heard on the radio. Most of the time it was local news, sports, traffic, and weather. But, when it was the right time of day we always listened to a prominent political talk-radio personality.
We differed dramatically in our positions with respect to what the host was expressing, including such things as who we might each support in an upcoming election.
Because we weren’t in a team meeting we could exchange our opinions freely vis-a-vis these things. We spoke our minds on whatever finer point seemed appropriate – and by “appropriate” I mean “most likely to be whatever I think you’re wrong about!“
At first things were a bit uncomfortable: often irritating or annoying. It took quite some time, with repeated returns to the principles of trust and respect that we were committed to uphold, for us to develop dedicated listening based on respect for each other’s viewpoint.
Our training and experience through the men’s circles allowed us to carry on this discourse – regardless of topic or of how hard-hitting it might be for each of us personally – because we neither made it personal nor took it personally.
Over time, each of us came to a deep and thorough understanding of the other and, by extension, of similarly minded men. As such I counted him among the most valuable men in my division.
This man has remained in MDI, whilst I went on a long personal walkabout from which I’ve only recently come back.1 Upon my return I was thrilled to find him still here. In the intervening years I realized that he – a man uninformed observers might assume was among my least favorite – was in fact so valuable to me, and represented something I should strive always to have in my life.
By not attempting to ‘fix’ other men’s problems – even if their ‘problem’ is a belief shared with a radio commentator – I am able to benefit from the masculine relationship that comes from respectful and trustful listening.
It is not going too far to say that I wish never to be on a team, or in a division, in which all the men agree with one another.
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- See previous article in Legacy Magazine, June 2025 https://www.mentordiscoverinspire.org/everythings-fine-until-it-isnt-and-then/
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