Life on a Men’s Team


The Men of MDI

Welcome everybody to “With all due respect”.  My name is Jim.  Joining me is my co-host on the East Coast it’s Rick Wright.  Thanks Jimmy.  I’m excited about this show the first show we’ve done where it’s actually focused on the organization which we belong to MDI –   Mentor Discover Inspire – that’s actually how I met you Rick. What started this show really which is being in a men’s organization and having that matter so.  Yes we have a couple of guests that will be joining us one guest who is.  Ben and for a long period of time and him tell us how long exactly we have one guest who has been a member of and for a shorter period of time so we’re going to get them really quickly get the will at thirty minutes but because just curious.  What was your introduction to.  And.  Anything you want to say about that.  Yeah thank you Jimmy Yeah my introduction was through a coworker.  My boss actually he thought he saw that I was.  Like a little crossroads in my life and he said hey I you know.  I’m involved with that with Sonoma group men and it’s men’s team and I’m like I was confused because you know it’s always like hard to describe like what we do is like I want you to come check it out like you know guys my boss I’m like So while you know some brownie points are just going to check this thing out and that was how that was my introduction and I went to a meeting and I heard some men go in really deep and I’ve never heard that before you know if I had you know I good friends good about boys but it was always about.  Chasing chasing women and drinking beers and talking sports nothing nothing deeper than that and.  They actually asked me at the end of the meeting like is there anybody who does not want to come back I was the only band like raise his hand you know and so so I just came from the gym that day like my tank like yeah I love you little workshop here but you know it’s not for me it was fun because they all laughed at me because they probably only it was like it was the perfect place for me.  Yeah the workshop and then like two days later I was like I just kept thinking about this one man who’s like really you know really good you know he was a good was a guest too and you just really went deep to really wanted something some wisdom and he got it and I was like wow like man I’m like That was pretty cool make I let me go check it out again so that’s how it started how do you know what I don’t know how did you how did you get involved in N.T.I. dentist thing I was doing a lot of healing work at the time healing work going in word and really healing some of the pasts that happen in my life.  And that’s how it got me down the San Diego.  Orange County and at one point I started to realize when I looked at my list of friends like like a phone book and things like that all my friends were female and I thought and if I thought of men boring and like stupid like why would you even hang out with men they’re boring and stupid and then I woke up to this idea wait a minute I am a man and I think that men are stupid and boring something missing something is wrong you know when you’re a kid you’re only thing that with your boys when your kid is very.  Bond and all that So somewhere along the line I lost the connection with the men or the males and I just surrounded myself with females and everything a relationship I had.  You know personal relation with a female ended up in a heartbreak for me and you know I knew I needed to be around men so I go to my church at the time and it was a you know the church group for men it was led by a woman a little I sort of.  But I can look back you know it was feminized church.  And I didn’t but I knew I was missing something so I finally made it to a team meeting I made it to this starting this weekend and as I’m sitting there in the week and I’m gone.  Now I get it what I’ve been missing is something with yeah something you get with men the masculine spirit the rock through to something that you get with men that you don’t get with women that’s my truth and that’s what I mean and that’s what I know and ever every single relays of I had since.  The men’s weekend and working with the man.  There might be a loss and some grief but there’s not the heartbreak and devastation I felt after doing that weekend and doing the different work that I’ve done so some of it is understandable some of it’s more serial You don’t know why or but being with your boys being with your men and told.  It worked for me so yeah I figured.  Get out of the one nine hundred ninety seven so it’s been a long time wow that’s great you’re with your friends who were to do.  I came in zero three OK so I’ve been doing this men’s work now for thirteen years who was your sponsor.  Harold Byrd.  A man that we did the healing work together in San Diego.  He left but I stayed.  So I figure we could bring on a couple of our guests but I want to share start with.  The mission statement of and mentor discover inspire it’s to cause greatness by mentoring men to live with excellence and as mature masculine leaders create successful families careers and community.  That’s what we missed by.  So how a bunch of introduce your guests first and I’ll bring them on for we do it that way we can introduce our own that we.  Yeah my guest is Robert Van Dale he’s.  He’s a man who I met actually on my spiritual journey.  In M.D.I. I was I was in some higher leadership in I just was sort of getting burnt out a little bit and I took some time to just look inward and and I realized I my spirituality was really lacking and I ended up going finding meditation and also started visiting a Buddhist.  And that’s where I met Robert and it’s funny because you know you go to a Buddhist Sanga it’s a good knows a lot of spiritual people and stuff and here is like you probably like six three shamed head go T. He pulls up on a Harley you know so it’s like is sort of I don’t know it’s really cool like this spiritual Harley guy and and I ride so we we said hey we got to hook up and ride together and that’s how we sort of met and became friends.  And with riding you know you you sort of get to know people but it was cool we went out when Tom just parcels and we having some coffee and we just got in this really cool conversation at night as I referenced earlier about going deeper.  I was able to go deep with this man and he was able to go deep with me on some conversations and I just said Hey I said you know the reason I can do this is because I’m in the men’s organization he says well you know he’s just really searchin in were doing some cool stuff and he said he was you know that’s how I you know I’m I’m sort of getting this I’m interested that he was on the east coast moving to the west coast and.  We took him up with a man out on a team and an M.D.I. and he loved it.  From that team he found a team that was actually closer geographically to him and since then you know I’ve been get really good feedback on what’s going on so again his name is Robert Grant Dale if you want to pop them up on the board we can say Hello yeah you Robert has to go on.  Good Jim Good good Bercow you doing Happy New Year guys are men happier Hardman.  You can call me on the show so we don’t have any cost standards so you can move and you can we can see how I can go whoa.  All right here next week if you want to do it or go to.  The field to feel free I created an R. rated thing it incurs in the open for the welcome I recommended to Sandy but that’s OK Sandy pies are he he was the see and I mean I mean.  You can tell us exactly how many hours I mean years when we could come in here but.  He’s on my men’s team that’s where I met him he helped me out.  Serving papers to a crazy lady with my.  Landlady at one point.  But he’s always been very present in my life he’s always been supportive I’ve supported him in his journey when he’s been a leader is that D.C. which is a division coordinator.  A regional coordinator of Southwest and they didn’t stop there we became a vice president at the international level of India and they became President of India a few years ago.  So great man said the player has to go and that he.  One will hire you Jim.  So fast and help me about how you do in a little while yeah it’s any.  Good Guide here at I would be my first team meeting in two thousand and two and I officially joined in two thousand and three like Rick.  OK And can you think the servers of.  Where you’re at before the you know what happened part of it to get to regular So I was a I was a divorced father I was really angry at life I had a my access.  Mental issues.  Bipolar and I created this Father’s Day I wanted to see close to my daughter at being a father being just three hundred AD on the day at school and one of the men came to me and started telling me about this organization and he said let’s discuss it and we’ll go have a beer together.  So I went to go have a beer with them and he’s drinking iced tea and the next thing I knew I was not a men’s meeting.  And I thought.  I thought confrontation at that meeting which we now call clearing the West but I was surprised to see men to get so angry and there was no violence and you know they worked through it.  And I was very impressed and I decided to step up and join a team.  Yeah and that’s.  One thing that happened later I’m still here.  By first meeting I couldn’t believe that people could be tough with each other and also laugh with each other I was I was two different things you know you are really tough and holding strict standards or you can laugh and be you know.  Light hearted but you could have both and like the same moment it was like the new reality of this.  Can we say thanks for that can we jump to Robert Robert how did you I guess we heard some of the story but from your vantage point what how did you get in volved M.D.I. and what is it meant for you.  Well you know I mean where was the messenger and.  He you know I was moving to California because my daughter it’s has been out here for a few years and just you know life circumstances and everything it just seemed like the right move for me to make and so I you know Brooke and I were talking about it as we wrote one and he says you know explain what I was about and I had some familiarity with men because I’ve been part of a.  Men’s book study group through twelve step program we used to meet once a week study a book spiritual book with you know maybe about ten minutes a week and one of the gentlemen so Holmes we meet and you know it was.  It was pretty deep.  But I was always open was always excited about it because it gave me a little say like we’re all kind of screwed up you know men you know fighting this thing called ego so.  It was good to you know I was very open I was just you know a lot of my you know.  I was open to this group and a lot of men you know admire me for that it can open them up to to the.  So I mean so I got a little you know experience with him and so you know as I was going out to California I didn’t really know what I was going to do this step into another twelve step program and.  Find my way through that again.  And then talking to Rick it really sparked my interest him and that’s kind of what I’m looking for a man of can you can you help me out here is able to contact you Ginger he said that another man was contacted before and the other week guy came out to California in July late July and really my first week in August I was at a team meeting and.  Face to face with another man and like Ramos and one of the exercises was we lined up across from one man face to face I think wow this is pretty heavy already I just got here.  Well that’s funny Well it’s a funny it was of yeah like you know.  Tell this man you know what what you’re feeling what you’re into in all this you know bring a fee only think oh OK I’ll try I’ll try but what was funny before the meeting that I was in the actually the meeting was in the Pacific Palisades.  Park.  And I’m thinking won’t count on your will but I’ll go with and they’ve sent me an e-mail you know make sure you bring a hiking boots and a cheer saying OK you know OK sure yabbering I’ll do it so I showed up in flip flops and a short shorts and no and no one chair so that was my first step.  And actually you know they said yeah member what we’re hiking up this canyon we’re going to have a meeting up here so after the face to face at the base of the canyon they just picked up their chairs and we hiked mean my flip flops and we got up to the top and fortunate man had an extra chair believe it or not there.  We had this great meeting at the top of this canyon and it was just a great experience you know sit in the summer.  And then crying and opening up you know it just really opened my eyes up right away you know the transparency of these men and it really helped me to feel more comfortable while.  And it really opened my eyes I mean this is this is what I’ve been looking for all my life you know I didn’t really have a father figure nobody kind of the lead lead the way for me trying to figure it out on my own and you know from there were you know led to fume armies with these teams and I transferred to another team that was you know closer to where I’m living now.  That man that you know one of the team members contact me before that meeting he picked me up burnt my doorstep let’s go and now ends up that man is the MC of the southwest region.  And he’s part of my team.  So it’s pretty cool man just how everything’s going alone and then a month later we’re talking summer they invited me to this thing called the rhino Well you know in the form are still there.  And I had no idea what I was walking into it with with like one hundred twenty men you know pitching a tent you know camp it for a couple nights and all the different exercises face to face in the clearing up list and this and then you know the show men and walking us through different spiritual exercises it was just Purdy pretty amazing and.  That’s where I met you Jim briefly.  Our last day there.  And we were packing up and I think I caught your name when you’re sure of something.  And I said Yeah that there really is you know they’re going to kind of you know through Rick might lead the way for me to find.  To.  On air so yeah that’s the cool thing about being an international organization I’m here in San Diego a man walked up to me in the mountains of you know Orange County wherever we were and yeah you know Rick right I’m like Well Rick right.  For all the world you know like that yeah you know and then the November I did the legacy discovery weekend and that was on believable and great you know again bonding with men you know and just being open and honest and you know just you know I had one of the divisions.  One woman that was the divisional coordinator he came up to me says you meant you’ve got to you’ve got to open this up you’ve got to show show up for this he got in my face and and that was at the beginning of L.T. and after that I was like OK I’m in let’s do this so I was open and honest and it made for a great great weekend so.  Yeah I’m really just really looking for him for you know really good team of men and it’s just great to have that support out here just for me you know it’s coming here with nothing I have no no friends you know and you know I have friends immediately with the men’s team and in the circle of men.  That I’m not a part of it’s been pretty amazing and just trying to get a footing on you know the California life and all that good stuff so it’s it’s been great to have that support.  You know would do anything to be there for me and help me out so and so it’s really a testament to the whole organization it’s been it’s been great great experience so.  Cool thank you.  Excellent.  Sandy the question I have thank you Robert the question I have for you in the.  So you know you sort of introduced us to where you got into M.D.I. and how you were then what’s what’s your life like now after doing all this men’s work and being involved and being in leadership What’s it look like you know.  My life actually in a fantastic place my daughter is a junior at the University of Florida.  I chose there because she wanted to be close to my family and she’s very happy there she spent a lot of time with my family when she’s not school.  You know my life just in a really great place you know they say it takes a village it took a team all I got so many guests and so many men so much mentoring that you know I want in life because I chose the victory I wanted was a great relationship with my my daughter great father and I was open to the wisdom that I got from the men in the circle.  I got to be present for a lot of that change.  And I remember us seeing Ella sitting out ready to be a division coordinator you know like I don’t think so so then of course he goes on to become a great division Korean major.  And you’ve just done yes of a point where you you know it’s OK to say you were able to be around your ex-wife to the point where you know that down and have dinner.  Keeping your center you know being a strong man and not reacting they will you know been awesome to be part of the process but if I wanted to I think I have also you may want to keep what you want to say one thing I think that’s one of the keys about what happens in the circle is there’s not necessarily a right or wrong and only you can determine what it is that you want to be mentored on and where you want to when.  But you know that’s again that’s.  Agree that’s what that’s why it’s so hard for me like that’s why I always talk of going so what’s M.D.I. the what’s meant to discover inspire I tell them after me and this is this is me this much or that I said it’s meant unconditionally supporting men to win and whatever they want to do there’s men the come to the circle that have that are maybe struggling in their relationships men’s men that come the circle that are you know that they’re struggling with their work they’re struggling as a father they’re struggling with.  You know they’re struggling with their weight little small stuff didn’t want you know they just want to look inward spirituality all these great things it’s so great because every team meeting that I’ve gone through there’s always been something something I could take away and it seems like that for most men so it’s just a fun it’s so unique and phenomenal you know the dynamics of what goes on and a men’s team meeting so yeah I’m just one of the that in there.  Along the lines of a men’s team meaning we have an audience.  That’s Internet the world the world listening in and they want what the hell it is an anonymous forum and.  My fundament team of course have to be there to really experience it because we are the ones that create it whoever is there they are creating it so we can’t always identify what that is for its team but we have an overriding mission say which I read earlier Can You Tube and I want to hear from you know Robert and Sandy what is life like on I’m in team how we do in Castle.  Robert once you go first you know you’re the new remember and it was great with me everything you said so far and then I’ll follow up.  It’s for right now it’s for me it’s just knowing that.  I’m not alone.  You know.  And that I have that have my back.  And for me too it’s having them.  Willingness not to be afraid to reach out to him and.  Again because of the fact that.  I’m not totally used to doing that especially reaching out to a man.  In fear of like you know like what are they going to think you know it’s not being mad you know I’m not being met This is like.  A feminine things I’m asking or whatever and just going past all that nonsense and being open and honest with another man and.  Without being judged.  You know that’s when I go into a meeting I know I can bring.  Whatever is going on the struggle or even some truth.  And I’m not going to be judged by another man.  And to me that’s that’s a huge asset you know for me because you know.  Light life struggle and being able to have that’s a support system in place it’s it’s just a huge attribute my life right now and I’m excited about what lies ahead because of this.  And being part of a team today in having those men in my life so.  Well.  OK So first off I have to agree with everything Robert just that I’m totally hundred percent in agreement especially in this day and age in modern times where we don’t even know where next door neighbors are or families are you know my family’s On the other side of the country that this is a band of brothers that is there to guide me support me.  Tell me I’m making a mistake if I’m making a mistake and you know support me and tell me that I can do some things that I may not necessarily want to do but I have to do you know as far as business decisions or life decisions.  And you know that’s what it really is it’s a band of brothers they’re there to unconditionally support you to help you when and you know make your life better.  Oh so this is all you know I was taken to like.  I think I take it for granted you know I’ve been since one thousand nine hundred seventy I’ve got a place where I can go tell the truth absolutely you know an edited have a man listen have a man tell me you know history I take it for granted I forget that so many people don’t have something like this so many men don’t have this and I didn’t have it you know I mean I just forget how it was before where you had to like walk on eggs everywhere you had to hide you know what’s really going on with you asking for help was ridiculous and met your week.  So this is you know I want to always remember and that’s why it’s great have a show like this is great to have guests like you to meant to keep remembering you know the gift that I do.  Here Well I think one of the things that you just what you’re saying is it’s great being a robber you and I probably were because yeah I mean yeah I’m the same new to this and we absolutely we start to forget what a blessing it is and I was and Robert talking about how it’s making a difference and his wife and it brings back all the reasons why I stayed in the organization and joined and I’m very grateful to Robert for doing that.  Yes and since there are hard hard times to be in this organization is like oh yeah I just tell the truth and everything’s great it’s hard I mean every week to join together for three hours not it’s not hard for me to make the time go make it no matter what but it’s a challenge for someone to make the time three hours a week to be on their team but also the shit that you have to face like looking at yourself sometimes Can you talk Can either of you talk about.  We don’t have three minutes left but can you talk to some of the challenges of being on a team.  Well for me you know I had a look at the way the relationship that I had with my ex-wife and I had to stop I think a step back and realize that there’s a difference between men and women and I had to realize that she has issues and those issues are never going away and it depended on how I responded.  And it was not pretty listening to some men tell me I was screwing up I was effin up.  You know it wasn’t pleasant it wasn’t always pleasant listening to hear about yourself about mistakes you’re making in your life or how you could do something better.  If For me it was just being being turned to be humble.  And just listen to these men’s in the in the problems that I.  Cannot really you know is this.  Because it is that men sure and I’m dealing with something very similar to what he’s going through but in the beginning I was kind of sound a little judge and all but you know to throw the mirror up between you because you’re dealing with the same thing in some respects or another so it’s just gaining some humility through through you know being a team.  For me that’s you know and it’s still a work in process believe me so.  So that’s been an eye opener for me just to be compassionate and loving someone I know that man especially you know and you know like.  Feeling it like feeling what he’s going through you know and you know again it’s all new for me but it’s.  Really excited about it.  This thing you mention you know.  What a.  Code of Honor we have a code of a.  On are.  Going to close up shop at this moment but I do want to mention a couple of things in the intro to Rick one of them is just to remind our listeners to find our organization and mentor discover inspired dot org mentor.  Or with the mission statement because greatness by mentoring men to live with excellent excellent and as mature masculine leaders create successful families careers and communities and you can also find that if you’re ready to join a team I’m going to say if you’re ready to join a team or find some men in your area where you live you can go to this website find a team dot org very simple find a team dot org And you can swing with men like this thank you Robert and Sandy for being on Q. having you and.  So and then Rick too I mean what do you think of after hearing all this pretty cool shit.  Yeah it’s yet again like I said it was great I just would say it you said it’s connected me back to the why I’m on a team and you know it is sometimes it is a struggle to be a part of a team you know and the time commitment all these different things but it’s so worth it and even now like you see here and Robert what do you get out of it I understand now that’s that’s a part of my legacy now and I’m happy that I was able to share this and just connected and we’re supposed to be all these great things and it’s just dumb I’m so excited for him and it just it you know every job has been so thank you thank you both you meant for coming on and Robert thank you for sharing all that.  Thank you moment All right thank you so again.  Thank you very much thanks Rick again thirty of the Ferdi I mean pick an minutes you never have on now and.  Thanks for finding Robert and sending him our way but yes and we’ll join with the rest of the listening audience next Friday we’re on.  With that one P.M. Pacific Standard Time four P.M. Eastern Standard Time With all due respect we can find it on Facebook.  Just everybody happy New Year to you.  Have a great one!