Aloneness

Michael ‘Burnsie’ Burns

Aloneness is different from Loneliness. The latter is something I haven’t felt much in my lifetime so I can’t speak from experience. I have been alone a lot in my life, but almost never lonely. Instead, I feel whole and free and content when I’m alone, especially now, in this elder phase. So I prefer, and want, to be alone.

“Why don’t you pursue your ideal vision for yourself and live alone?” nephew Kurt asked me.

I had told him my ideal fantasy is to not live with anyone but myself: no compromises, no negotiations, no second opinion on my decisions, toilet seat position, driving style, etc, etc.

“So? Why don’t you pursue that?” he repeated.

“My commitment,” I answered, “is to stay with my life partner ‘until death do us part.’
Aside from the fact that my love, respect, admiration, and trust in my wife Pat grows steadily, that is why I don’t pursue my ideal vision.”

In my youth, I embraced the Grateful Dead’s ethos, singing: “tell you what I’ll do, I’ll watch out for you. You’re my woman now, make yourself easy,” and that still seems right to me.

My dad did that: he took care of and protected his wife and I aspired to do that, too. That was my goal, and I’ve been successful. As we both become less and less capable of fending for ourselves, I will not leave her to fend for herself alone just so I can create that fantasy, that vision. I can have alone time within our co-habiting relationship but that’s as far as I can go.

But thanks for the question, Kurt.